light and shadow

a visit to my guruji's house

20th july' o9

As I entered my guruji’s house on Wednesday, I couldn’t stop thinking as to why had I not come here before, when he was alive and could have shown me the house himself. I was greeted at the gate by his petite wife- she was one of those women who age beautifully and gracefully. I take my shoes off outside the house; it just felt right that way. As I enter the house (it looks well, and is neatly kept, don’t know why but I am surprised. It just shows that how little I knew of him in some ways.) my eyes go to the right wall, which is filled with framed black and white photograph of him, where he is practicing the various rasa’s of kathak. They are simply breathtaking, on look and you know what a great dancer he was. I’m told by his eldest son, with some amount of prides’ as to how Guruji has himself got these photos framed and hung a month before his demise. He further goes on to narrate a few more instances, where he packed up things within the last two weeks, as though he was preparing to go. I wonder if he had any clue, or were these mere coincidences.

After the first few minutes of pleasantries, we are at a loss of words, and I try hard to make conversation. His wife gets me Tang, and some sweets to eat. In some ways I am surprised to meet her, and she differs completely from the image I had made of her in my mind over the years. Guruji was a very loud man, jovial and light hearted, I expected his wife too, to be a boisterous lady, not a shy frail women. It was hard imagine her being a wife to a dancer, as she fit the role of a typical Punjabi mother so well.(almost she wasn’t’ that loud)

Her son, is a striking image of guruji, his smile is identical to that of Guruji’s- like an action replay from many years ago. He inquires about me, what I am doing, what plans etc. I try to explain my project to him, it is very difficult and I realize how less I know about it myself. He quickly gives me a huge list of references, places I can go, people to meet. I write them all down, it is hard to make him understand that my film is not about kathak – its history or present day situation.

He tells me about how doordarshan had made a film on him, many years ago and starts searching for the vhs tape. I offer to get it digitized for them and take it. He then presents me with Guruji’s latest book, which he was writing for the past nine years and was making some last final changes when he passed away. I’m very happy to take it, even though it is mainly in Hindi, and reading it is a bit of a struggle for me. (When I come back home and show it to my mother she tells me that guruji said that he has mentioned me in this book as one of his good students. I am so so happy and thrilled and touched to hear this.)

the room of silence

a strong image stuck in my mind

my guruji

this is a small photogragh of my guruji Pandit Tirath Ram Azad

the first step: the first proposal

though I am a little late, I must start from the beginning...well almost, so here is the first draft of the diploma project proposal...

Inspiration

A woman, in her mid-thirties is standing looking out of a window onto a busy street. The room is small and stuffy; cluttered with all sorts of showpieces, photo frames and books. There is an old colored T.V. next to which stands a full length mirror with a wooden frame; one sees a glimpse of her face as she looks at the mirror for a brief second; after which she resumes observing the street. There is a bed, on which lay strewn a pair of ghungoors.

This image has been there in my head for a long time and was the germ of my idea.

I started learning Kathak when I was 7 in Delhi, and continued to do so till I came to Bangalore for college. It was something that remained constant, and my relationship with Kathak and my Guruji mirrored my various growing up phases- so there were times when I enjoyed it a lot and times when I hated it because it wasn’t cool enough.

Log Line

I want to explore the transition between childhood and adulthood, especially for women. I want to look at the freedom that comes with childhood, when one doesn’t know too much and therefore interacts with the world in a way that isn’t dictated by previous knowledge and how this freedom of approach slowly diminishes as we grow up and the burden of knowledge/things we are taught keeps increasing.

Project Brief

Chand, a 45-yr Kathak Dancer and teacher learned Kathak from the same Guruji as me. She runs a Kathak Dancing school in Jhandewalla, Karol Bagh in Delhi. I would like to shoot her in the space of the dance class, teaching young girls and outside it. I would also like to follow a young student of hers in the dance class and outside it- at her home, with her friends etc. I would like to draw various comparisons between the two- the teacher and the student, the women and the girl, and explore the idea of freedom and what it means for either.

I would also like to touch upon other things like the stigma of being a woman who dances, on the tradition of teaching/learning Kathak and the current state of the dance and its artistes.

I hope to bring out the portrait of Chand- the women, the dancer, the teacher, and the struggles and conflicts that come with essaying all these roles. I want to show the loneliness of a woman alone, her freedom and the choices she has to make to maintain it.

I hope to make this portrait richer, by contrasting her student’s life, which in some ways could be looked at as her own past.

I also hope to bring out the culture and mood of Kathak, an artiste’s life and look at the portrayal and depiction of women in the dance itself.

Process

I have already started talking to some women I know about what freedom means to them, and how and if knowledge affects it.

I would like to spend time with Chand, at her dancing school and home, build a rapport with her and get to know her students well. I would also like to spend time with Kamini, my Guruji’s Daughter who is also a Kathak Dancer and Chand’s contemporary. I might start shooting alongside with a handy cam, and come up with quick portraits and sketches of these people, and some situations.

The last semester in college where we came up with small films in a span to one or two days , was really useful for me and I would like to continue this method in this film- to keep trying out things; ideating and doodling on video.

Once I feel that the comfort level between them and me is good and I have a better idea of who may be the secondary characters of my film I will begin shooting. I will constantly go to and fro between editing and shooting, since it helps to review my progress in a more holistic way and therefore it helps me choose my next step.

I might in the later stages fictionalize some parts if needed, or create situations and then shoot them for e.g I might decide to make Chand meet Kamini and start a discussion between them; which I would then shoot.

Motivation

A lot of the things I want to explore in this film are personal questions that I have to answer for myself, as I come close to finishing a chapter of my life with college getting over. The life I have led in the past 4 years has been very different to the life I led at home when I was in school. Coming to Srishti has made me experience and look at new things and now when I go back I have to choose things from both these worlds and decide who I am.

My Guruji, who has made a very deep impact on me, passed away last year and it was only then I realized how much he mattered to me. He was in many ways my teacher or guru in a true sense, as opposed to teachers at school or tuition and it’s a beautiful relationship that I feel is becoming increasingly rare. This film might in some ways be homage to him.

Resources

The first and last freedom –J.Krishnamurti

Oranges are not the only fruit- Jeanette Winterson

The Japanese Wife- Kunal Basu

Ismat: Her Life, Her Times- Sukrita Paul Kumar

Ismat Chughtai, A Fearless Voice - Manjulaa Negi

Kathak Praveshika

Kathak Shringaar

Kathak Darpan

Kathak Gyaneshwari- all by Pandit Tirath Ram Azad, my Guru

Soske- Rada Sesic

Lucia- Humberto Solas

Devi- Satyajit Ray

The Music Room- Satyajit Ray

Subarnlekha- Ritwik Ghatak

Meghe Dhaka Tara- Ritwik Ghatak

Pakheezah- Kamal Amrohi

Alain Resnais- Last Year at Marienbad

Sardari Begum- Shyam Benegal

Bhumika- Shyam Benegal

Mahabharata

Ramayan

R.V.Ramani

Manjusha

Kamini

Chand

Ravi Sharma

Ampat Koshy

And Srishti Faculty

This list is going to be constantly edited as I progress with my idea and learn of new sources.

Research

I am going to meet as many different people-especially women as possible, with different points of view, and tap the resources listed. Besides this I could like to go for as many plays, recitals of music and dance as possible. If possible I would like to visit the artist colony- Kabir Chuara in Benaras where all exponents of the Benaras Gharana of Hindustani music and Kathak come from.

It might also be interesting to meet some famous Kathak and Fusion artistes, but it depends on the course my film takes.